Self-Care as Practice
This entry synthesizes insights from 321 articles in the Library
"Self-care isn't about indulgence or reward. It's about maintenance. It's the unsexy, ongoing work of tending to a body and psyche that need regular attention to function."
— Christine Mason
The Problem with “Self-Care”
The phrase has been so commercialized it’s almost lost meaning. Self-care became synonymous with treating yourself—spa days, expensive products, permission to consume.
But real self-care isn’t about treats. It’s about tending. It’s the regular, often unglamorous work of caring for a body and mind that need ongoing attention.
The shift from treating to tending changes everything.
What Tending Looks Like
Tending is:
- Going to bed when you’re tired, even when you want to keep scrolling
- Eating food that actually nourishes you, not just what’s convenient
- Moving your body in ways that feel good, not punishing
- Saying no to things that deplete you
- Making the doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off
- Drinking water
- Resting before you’re exhausted
None of this is glamorous. Most of it isn’t fun. But it’s what keeps you functional, and it’s what commercialized self-care ignores.
Care as Resistance
For many women, consistent self-care is genuinely countercultural. We’re trained to put ourselves last—to care for everyone else’s needs before our own, to feel guilty for taking time, to see self-neglect as virtue.
In this context, the simple act of tending to yourself becomes resistance. Not self-indulgence, but self-preservation.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. This isn’t just a saying; it’s physiology. Depletion catches up. And the people who depend on you need you functional, not martyred.
The Ritual Dimension
There’s a difference between brushing your teeth as an obligation and brushing your teeth as a small act of self-honoring. The action is the same; the orientation transforms it.
Bringing ritual consciousness to ordinary care changes how it feels and what it does for you.
When you wash your face at night, you can do it mindlessly while thinking about tomorrow’s tasks. Or you can feel the water, notice the sensation, treat it as a moment of coming back to yourself after a day of being pulled outward.
This isn’t about making everything precious or special. It’s about being present to the care you’re already giving yourself, rather than checking boxes while mentally elsewhere.
Morning and Evening Anchors
Two moments offer natural opportunities for self-tending: the transition into the day and the transition out of it.
Morning practice might include:
- A few minutes of stillness before reaching for your phone
- Movement—stretching, walking, whatever wakes up your body
- Nourishment that supports your energy, not just caffeine
- Setting an intention, even a simple one
Evening practice might include:
- A clear end to the workday, even if you work from home
- Physical transition—changing clothes, washing your face
- Something that signals “rest” to your nervous system
- Releasing the day rather than carrying it into sleep
You don’t need elaborate routines. Five minutes of intention at each end of the day creates an architecture of self-care that compounds over time.
The Bare Minimum
When life is overwhelming—and it often is—elaborate self-care becomes another burden. In these seasons, what’s the bare minimum that keeps you functional?
This is worth knowing. Your personal bare minimum might be:
- 6 hours of sleep
- One real meal
- 10 minutes outside
- One moment of genuine rest
When you can’t do more, do the minimum. Protect it fiercely. This is survival-level self-care, and it’s valid.
Pleasure as Care
Self-care isn’t only about maintenance. Pleasure matters too.
What genuinely brings you pleasure? Not what you think should, or what looks good, or what you do from habit—but what actually feels good to you?
Many women have lost touch with this. We know what we should want, what our partners want, what our kids want. But our own pleasure has become unfamiliar.
Part of self-care is rediscovering it. What tastes good? What feels good on your skin? What sounds, sights, sensations bring you alive?
This isn’t frivolous. Pleasure is restorative. It fills the well that depletion empties.
Care of the Intimate Self
The parts of ourselves we don’t show the world need tending too.
Intimate self-care includes:
- Caring for your vulva and vaginal health, not just when there’s a problem
- Attending to your sexual self, even when you’re not partnered
- Tending to your emotional and spiritual needs, not just physical
- Making space for desires that aren’t productive or useful
The intimate self is often the most neglected. We take care of what others can see and let the rest go. But wholeness requires caring for all of yourself, including the parts you keep private.
Go Deeper
These are the original writings this entry draws from:
What Supports This
Physical expressions of this philosophy