Reclaiming Pleasure

After the Shutdown

Maybe it was trauma. Maybe it was years of unsatisfying sex. Maybe it was medical treatment, hormonal changes, or medication. Maybe it was shame that slowly closed off access to your own body.

However it happened, pleasure became unavailable. Not just sexual pleasure—sometimes the capacity for any bodily enjoyment diminishes. Food tastes less vibrant. Touch feels neutral or uncomfortable. The body becomes something you live in rather than experience through.

Coming back to pleasure is not about suddenly having great orgasms. It’s about the slow reawakening of sensation—learning to feel good again, one small moment at a time.

Why Pleasure Matters

In a culture that treats pleasure with suspicion—especially women’s pleasure—it’s worth saying plainly: pleasure matters. It’s not trivial. It’s not indulgent.

Pleasure is healing: Positive body experiences help rewire a nervous system that has learned to associate the body with danger or discomfort.

Pleasure is information: It tells you what you like, what nourishes you, what your body is asking for.

Pleasure is resistance: For those who’ve been taught their pleasure doesn’t matter or is dangerous, reclaiming it is an act of self-possession.

Pleasure is vitality: The capacity for pleasure is part of being fully alive. Losing access to it is a kind of death in life.

The Gradual Path

Reclaiming pleasure is gradual. You cannot force it. Trying too hard creates pressure that makes pleasure even less accessible.

Instead, you create conditions and invitation. You show your body, slowly, that pleasure is safe now. That you’re listening. That you won’t override or dismiss what it tells you.

Start with Non-Sexual Pleasure

Sexual pleasure is complex—it involves vulnerability, often relationship, sometimes history. Starting with simpler pleasures removes that complexity.

What feels good to your body?

Warmth: a bath, sunlight, a heated blanket
Touch: soft fabrics, massage, weighted blankets
Taste: food you actually enjoy, eaten slowly
Movement: stretching, dancing, swimming
Sound: music that moves you
Smell: scents that delight you

These small pleasures matter. They’re retraining your system to receive good feeling.

Slow Down

Pleasure requires slowing down. When you rush, you don’t feel much.

Eating quickly, you barely taste. Touching quickly, you barely feel. When you slow down, sensation has time to register.

Practice slowness: eat one bite fully tasting. Apply lotion slowly, feeling your hands on your skin. Let the shower water run over you with attention.

Notice What’s Already There

Pleasure is often present but unnoticed. We’re so focused on what’s wrong, what hurts, what’s lacking—we miss what’s actually good.

Practice noticing: What in this moment is pleasant? The temperature. The support of the chair. The absence of pain in some part of your body. The taste of your coffee.

This isn’t toxic positivity—it’s rewiring attention toward what actually feels okay or good.

Follow What Feels Good

When you notice something that feels good, follow it. Stay with it. Let yourself feel it more.

This is different from what many of us were taught—to move on quickly, not to indulge, not to want too much. Staying with pleasure, letting it expand, is practice.

Titration

If you’ve been disconnected from pleasure—especially due to trauma—too much too fast can be overwhelming. The system that shut down did so for a reason.

Titration means going slowly, in small doses. A little pleasure, then rest. Gradually increasing capacity without flooding.

If intense sensation feels too much, dial back. There’s no rush. Building capacity takes time.

Sexual Pleasure

As non-sexual pleasure becomes more available, sexual pleasure can be reapproached. The same principles apply:

Start slow and small. Not intercourse or orgasm as the goal. Just sensation. What does touch feel like?

Self-exploration first. Without a partner, there’s no pressure. You can go entirely at your own pace, stop when you want, follow what feels good.

Remove the goal. Orgasm is not the point. Pleasure is the point. Any pleasure. Even just “this doesn’t feel bad” is a start.

Use support. Lubricant reduces friction. Warmth relaxes tissue. Going slowly allows arousal to build.

Stay present. When you notice yourself spacing out or going into your head, come back to sensation. What do you actually feel right now?

Expand the Definition

Sexual pleasure is not just about genitals and orgasm. It includes:

The pleasure of being touched anywhere
The pleasure of touching
The pleasure of being desired
The pleasure of skin contact
The pleasure of breathing together
The warmth of closeness

Expanding what counts as sexual pleasure takes pressure off the narrow definition and gives more access points.

When Pleasure Is Complicated

For some, pleasure brings up complex feelings:

Guilt: You feel you don’t deserve pleasure, or that wanting it is wrong.

Fear: Pleasure has been followed by pain in the past. Feeling good feels dangerous.

Grief: Feeling pleasure reminds you of what you’ve lost—youth, health, a relationship, years of enjoyment.

Anxiety: Feeling good in your body triggers fear that it won’t last, will be taken away.

These responses are understandable. They’re also workable. Name them. Feel them alongside the pleasure. Both can exist. Over time, the complicated feelings often soften as the body learns pleasure is safe.

An Act of Reclamation

To feel pleasure in your body—especially if that capacity was taken from you—is to take yourself back.

It says: This body is mine. I am allowed to feel good. My pleasure matters.

This isn’t hedonism. It’s healing. It’s homecoming.

Go Deeper

These are the original writings this entry draws from: