A Guide to Lubricants

The Case for Lubricant

Lubricant is perhaps the simplest intervention that can dramatically improve sexual experience. Yet many women don’t use it—or don’t use enough.

The reasons vary: embarrassment that the body isn’t producing enough on its own, not knowing what to choose, thinking it’s only for people with problems.

Let’s be clear: lubricant is for everyone. Even women who lubricate well naturally often find that additional lubrication enhances pleasure and reduces friction. And for women experiencing any degree of dryness—which includes most women in perimenopause and beyond—lubricant is essential.

Why Natural Lubrication Decreases

Natural vaginal lubrication can decrease for many reasons:

Hormonal changes: Estrogen decline in perimenopause and menopause significantly reduces natural lubrication

Medications: Antihistamines, antidepressants, hormonal contraceptives can all reduce lubrication

Dehydration: Not drinking enough water affects all bodily fluids

Stress: Stress inhibits arousal, and lubrication is part of the arousal response

Insufficient arousal time: Rushing doesn’t allow the body time to lubricate

Breastfeeding: Hormonal changes during nursing often reduce lubrication

Certain health conditions: Sjögren’s syndrome, diabetes, and others can affect lubrication

Types of Lubricants

Water-Based

Pros:

• Compatible with all condoms and toys
• Easy to clean up
• Won’t stain sheets
• Generally won’t cause irritation

Cons:

• Dries out and needs reapplication
• Can become sticky as it dries
• Not good for water play (washes away)

Best for: General use, use with toys, use with condoms

Silicone-Based

Pros:

• Long-lasting, doesn’t dry out
• Silky feel
• Good for water play
• A little goes a long way

Cons:

• Can degrade silicone toys
• Harder to wash off
• May stain sheets
• Some find the feel too slippery

Best for: Long sessions, anal sex, water play, when you don’t want to reapply

Oil-Based

Pros:

• Long-lasting
• Natural options available (coconut oil)
• Moisturizing

Cons:

• Degrades latex condoms (don’t use together)
• Can cause vaginal infections in some women
• Stains sheets
• Harder to clean up

Best for: External massage, situations where condoms aren’t needed, those who tolerate oils well

Hybrid

A combination of water and silicone. Aims to offer the best of both—the easy cleanup of water-based with longer-lasting properties of silicone.

What to Look For

Avoid:

• Glycerin (can promote yeast infections)
• Parabens (potential hormone disruptors)
• Fragrances or flavors (can irritate)
• Warming or cooling agents (can cause burning)
• Chlorhexidine (irritating)
• Nonoxynol-9 (spermicide that irritates tissue)

Look for:

• Short, recognizable ingredient lists
• pH balanced for vaginal use (around 3.8-4.5)
• ISO-certified (meets international safety standards)
• Osmolality that won’t damage tissue (lower is generally better)

How to Use

Use more than you think you need. Seriously. Err on the side of too much. You can always add more.

Apply before you need it. Don’t wait until friction has already started. Apply to genitals, to your partner, to toys—wherever contact will occur.

Reapply as needed. Water-based lubricants need reapplication. Don’t hesitate to add more throughout.

Keep it accessible. Have it within arm’s reach so reapplying doesn’t interrupt flow.

Warm it first. Cold lube on genitals is jarring. Warm it in your hands first.

Lubricant and Condoms

If using condoms:

• Water-based and silicone-based lubricants are safe with latex and non-latex condoms
• Oil-based lubricants degrade latex—do not use together
• Apply lubricant outside the condom, and a drop inside (on the penis) for sensation

Lubricant vs. Moisturizer

Lubricant: Used during sexual activity. Provides slipperiness to reduce friction.

Vaginal moisturizer: Used regularly (not just during sex) to maintain vaginal tissue health and hydration. Applied several times per week.

For vaginal dryness related to menopause, both may be helpful—moisturizer for ongoing tissue health, lubricant for comfortable sex.

Starting the Conversation

If you’ve never used lubricant with a partner, introducing it can feel awkward. Some approaches:

Just use it. You don’t necessarily need to announce it. Apply it to yourself.

Frame it positively. “I want to try this—it’s supposed to feel amazing.”

Make it part of play. Applying lubricant to each other can be incorporated into foreplay.

Be matter-of-fact. “I need lubricant for sex to be comfortable. Let’s use this.”

A good partner will prioritize your comfort over any awkwardness about lubricant.

Lubricant as Enhancement, Not Problem-Solving

Reframe lubricant from “something I need because something is wrong” to “something that makes good sex better.”

Athletes use equipment that enhances performance. Musicians use tools that support their instrument. Using lubricant is using a tool that supports pleasure.

There’s no prize for suffering through friction. Use the lubricant.

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Go Deeper

These are the original writings this entry draws from:

• Top Natural Lubricants and Moisturizers

• The Best Lubricant for Menopause Dryness

• Is My Lubricant Causing UTIs?

• Everything You Need to Know About Vaginal Skincare