Vibrators and Toys

Beyond Stigma

Sex toys have come a long way from back-room novelty shops. They’re now mainstream, research-backed tools for pleasure and sexual health.

Yet stigma persists. Women worry that using a vibrator means something is wrong with them, that they’ll become “dependent,” that their partner will feel replaced, or that it’s somehow shameful.

None of this is true.

Research shows that women who use vibrators report higher levels of sexual desire, arousal, lubrication, and orgasm. They also report better sexual function overall. Vibrator use is associated with positive sexual health, not dysfunction.

Why Toys Help

Reliable stimulation: Vibrators provide consistent, reliable clitoral stimulation that hands or bodies often can’t replicate.

Efficiency: If it takes you a long time to orgasm manually, a vibrator can significantly reduce that time—useful when you’re tired or time is limited.

Exploration: Toys invite exploration of what feels good. Different sensations, intensities, locations.

Accessibility: For women with physical limitations, toys can provide stimulation that would otherwise be difficult to achieve.

Enhanced arousal: Vibration increases blood flow, which can support arousal response.

Partnered enhancement: Toys can be incorporated into partnered sex, adding stimulation that enhances the experience for one or both partners.

Types of Vibrators

Clitoral vibrators: Designed for external clitoral stimulation. Range from small bullet vibes to larger wand massagers.

Internal vibrators: Designed for vaginal insertion. May target the G-spot or provide general internal stimulation.

Dual stimulation (“rabbit” style): Provide both internal and clitoral stimulation simultaneously.

Wand massagers: Larger, powerful vibrators originally marketed as body massagers. Known for intense stimulation.

Air pulse/suction toys: Create a sucking sensation around the clitoris rather than vibration. Many women find these produce rapid, intense orgasms.

Couples’ vibrators: Designed to be worn during partnered sex, providing stimulation to both partners.

Choosing Your First (or Next) Toy

Start with your goals:

If you want clitoral stimulation: A small clitoral vibrator or air pulse toy
If you want internal stimulation: A G-spot vibrator
If you want both: A dual-stimulation toy
If you want intense stimulation: A wand massager
If you want something for partnered use: A couples’ vibrator or smaller toy that won’t get in the way

Consider:

Size: Smaller is often better for starting. You can always go larger.
Intensity: Variable speed/intensity is helpful. What feels good varies by day and mood.
Noise level: If privacy is a concern, look for quieter options.
Material: Medical-grade silicone is safest and easiest to clean.
Rechargeable vs. battery: Rechargeable is more powerful and environmentally friendly.
Waterproof: Allows for use in bath/shower and easier cleaning.

Using Toys Solo

Solo use is straightforward—experiment and see what feels good. Some suggestions:

Vary intensity and location. Move the toy around. Try different speeds. The most obvious spot isn’t always the best.

Don’t rush to orgasm. Use toys for exploration, not just efficiency. Notice what sensations you like.

Try different positions. Lying on your back isn’t the only option. Try on your stomach, sitting, standing.

Combine with other stimulation. Nipple stimulation, fantasy, erotica—whatever enhances your experience.

Incorporating Toys into Partnered Sex

Many couples find toys enhance partnered sex, but introducing them requires navigation:

Have the conversation first. Don’t surprise your partner. Talk about it: “I’d love to try using a vibrator together.”

Frame it as addition, not replacement. “I want to add to what we do, not substitute for you.”

Choose the right moment. When you’re both relaxed and connected, not in the middle of conflict.

Start small. A small clitoral vibe is less threatening than an elaborate toy.

Use it on each other. Let your partner control the toy sometimes. It becomes shared play.

Communicate during. What feels good? What doesn’t? Adjust together.

Reassure if needed. Some partners feel threatened by toys. Reassurance about your desire for them (not just the toy) can help.

The “Dependence” Myth

Some women worry they’ll become “dependent” on a vibrator and unable to orgasm without it.

Research doesn’t support this. While some women find that it takes time to re-acclimate to less intense stimulation after heavy vibrator use, this isn’t permanent dependency.

If you find you prefer variety in your stimulation, simply vary your practice—sometimes use a toy, sometimes don’t. Your body adapts.

Toys and Perimenopause/Menopause

Toys can be particularly helpful during hormonal transitions:

When arousal is slower: Vibration can help initiate arousal response.

When orgasm is harder: The reliable stimulation of a toy can provide what’s needed.

When penetration is uncomfortable: External toys provide pleasure without penetration.

For maintaining sexual function: Regular use supports blood flow and arousal capacity.

Care and Cleaning

Clean after each use: Wash with mild soap and water, or a toy cleaner. This prevents bacterial growth.

Dry completely: Before storing to prevent mold.

Store properly: In a clean pouch or container, not loose in a drawer where it collects lint and bacteria.

Check for damage: Cracks or tears in silicone can harbor bacteria. Replace damaged toys.

Don’t share without cleaning: Or use condoms on shared toys.

Go Deeper

These are the original writings this entry draws from: